A new beginning...

Hello,

My name is Annie. Currently, I make a living as a personal trainer, barista, and seamstress. You can check out what I sew here. If I am not doing any of the aforementioned things, I can be found in the kitchen attempting some new recipe that I may only ever use once.

This is my blog to record my hopes and dreams, as well as my thoughts and feelings.

I expect that like anything, with practice this will get better too.



I sure hope so.

My home,

My home took a while for me to warm up to. We've had hot and cold spots for sure, but after the last hardship we went through I can't help but look upon it fondly and call it my home.

You see, I live in a 5th wheel. Its a hard place to get used to when the whole place is only 35' by 8' and all the furniture is built in. Doesn't leave a lot of room for decorating, do I did my best.

You can see that its no Better Homes and Gardens place to live. Its more like a gypsy shack. But, I did the best with what I had and this is what I've come up with. Besides, you'd like it as much as me if you had to deal with the stuff I did in the last two weeks.

A while ago we had this problem with the sinks draining, so Ty took off the P-trap under it and looked around to see if there was anything in there. Alas, there wasn't so we put it back on and called it a day.

Until we look in the bathtub. Where I keep all my clothes.

(By the way it did not look that nice at that time. Things have gotten much better since then.)

They were drenched in about 3-4 inches of grey water that had backed up into the bath as a result of us playing with the pipes. So after that whole scenario Tyler built me a platform upon which I could keep my laundry basket full of clothes and thank goodness he did. Last week it happened again, except this time the water didn't drain.

He and his dad went under the trailer and had to drill a hole in the pipe that dropped anything from our septic to the main septic on the property. They snaked it out, all the while Tyler is getting sprayed with this backed up water and I am in the kitchen putting away dishes with a fiery rage. 

I can't say what a relief it is to not have to worry about plumbing. It'll ruin your day.

Until you wake the next day after first rain and find that the roof had leaked a gallon of water onto your couch. 

It is fixed now, but at the time I was so upset I looked for apartments Ty and I could move into. So this is where I live, and all the pictures were taken today. That is how it looks now. I can honestly say that living here is really fun, especially since we went through the hardships we did together.

Living small really makes you appreciate the things you have, and miss the things you took for granted.

Castle Crags

Tyler and I had planned to go up to Weed, Ca. this last Saturday for about a week. On the way there however are the Castle Crags, so we decided to stop off and make the hike. It was a strenuous 2.7 miles up and then again back down, but well worth it. If anyone lives in this area, it's quite fun and a real cheap date at just $8 for the parking pass.

This was on the way up. Whenever I see a cut through the forest like this it reminds me of a big scar. Like the one everyone has on their knee.

You can see Mt. Shasta from the trail. We went up to the little town on Mt. Shasta later that day.

Another view from the trail, as we were coming up on it.

So there you have it folks, a view from the top..

...looking at the top. It is a huge crag. If you ever get the chance to hike this trail, you should.

On the way back we hiked over to Indian Springs and filled our water bottles. The water tastes delicious, especially after you've run out because you didn't plan on doing a spontaneous 5 mi. hike.

The power of will.

It only takes so long before I become tired of my own excuses and decide to do something about it. It isn't easy, and sometimes I break, but I find the harder I work the luckier I become. Abraham Lincoln said that once.

Sometimes, I get to this point of such extreme low self esteem it becomes paralyzing.

I've met these people that continue the way I have been. They are past my point. I don't want to be those people. They are so sad and so convicted in their self pity and excuses that they alienate those who love them. I find myself doing that too, but I saw a quote that made me rethink what I am doing now.

It said, "All it takes is 20 seconds of insane courage to change your life completely."

I thought about that and determined for myself that it does not matter if I think I can, or if I think I can't. I will. My convictions will be that I will, no matter what the circumstance. I believe self esteem is like any other human attribute - like a muscle. We must practice using it and train it every day in order for it to grow.

Tomorrow my wrist may not say anything, or it may say something different. It doesn't matter. As long as I have positive and strengthening reminders as to why I do what I do I can keep going.

Today, I will.

Coffee to start my day.

On the weekends this is what I do.

I had an inclination to take my camera with me to work this Saturday and take pictures while I was opening the coffee shop. While most people are hating their jobs, I tend to be enjoying mine. That's not to say it doesn't have it's downers as well, but for the most part it is pretty cool.

I mean, I get free coffee and tips.

That is what I stare at almost every day. It's either that or the blender depending on the time of year.

All of our drip coffee is Fair Trade Certified Organic. Sounds expensive, but if you bring your own cup the Joe is only a dollar. That includes cream and sugar too.

Life as a barista is not so bad. There is nothing like the smell of a coffee shop.

Free motion strife.

I have this tendency to waste my time away thinking about what I need to be doing or what I would like to do instead of actually doing something. But - sometimes I actually do something. And it results in tears.

This last Tuesday I had decided that my free motion quilting was good enough to want to try on an actual quilt. I knew I wasn't going to be awesome, so I chose a quilt top that didn't mean much to me.... Thank goodness.

You can see on the right hand side how many times I went over that one spot. I had to actually seam rip a portion of my quilting it was so bad.

The quilt I chose was as good as any, but either it didn't work for this motif or I didn't work for this motif. Either way, it didn't work. Every time I came across a seam, which was every 2 inches, the darning foot would get caught on the lump and drag. And since I am not experienced with this whole free motion quilting thing I had no idea how to control the stitches when they came flying after my foot made the jump over that lump.

I got so mad that I rushed the last loop and broke the needle. So I crumpled the quilt and threw it in the corner, went to my fiance to sulk, kicked the thrash can, and then proceeded to cry like a baby while he carried me into the house.

Like I said, mad.

After I calmed down I went to a local quilt shop to get an opinion, or advice, or anything. I asked her what I could do and she looked at me crookedly and said, "You just need to practice." Practice?!

Because I was sore already that comment pissed me right off, but after I cooled down I realized that it was kind of a compliment. She told me to get some relaxing or calming music and take my time with it. So I did.

And then I broke another needle. Since then I have not touched the sewing machine. I am giving myself time to cool off. No wonder I think about things rather than do them. I am so much better in my head.

Too much to make it count.

I am sitting here, 20 minutes into ballet and I am not in class. Again. I skipped Tuesday too.

I feel almost exactly the same as I did last Tuesday.


Well, I heard once that we are doomed to repeat lessons until we learn them. I am repeating emotions before the same event in my life, every time. An indicator that there is something to be learned from this? I think so.

I thought about what it could mean though, and it brought me down a rabbit hole that I continually side-step without thinking. Its like I know it's there, but it is something I ignored or put off for so long I either forgot it completely or let it become absorbed into the background of my life.

However, the problem I have been side-stepping has been my life. I go about it the wrong way. I need to change my method. I do what everyone else does but I approach it in a different way so that I don't recognize it, and it's a classic so I don't know how I could have missed it.

It is the classic, "I need to do something in my life to reach success. I'm going to quit smoking, starting eating right, start exercising, get a new sleep schedule, get a new hobby, and quit my job. Today." People do this all the time and never last more than a week. Why is that? They take on too much at once! A person cannot handle that much change and expect success to stick. It feels good for about a day and then reality kicks in and it all sucks.

Well, "Hello, Annie!" That's what I do too! Me! I do that!

This May I said, "Yes Tyler, I will marry you. Then I will:

1. start planning a wedding
2. move in with you
3. adjust to my new life
4. start quilting for the first time
5. start a Pilates certification course
6. work part-time
7. start blogging
8. learn about photography
9. learn old school cooking techniques
10. learn to can
11. start writing workout programs
12. start my own workout program/training my little brother
13. learn ballet and the french instructions
14. open an Etsy shop
15. decide to make a quilt to raffle at my wedding
16. make my niece a quilt
17. and contemplate a job change."

All the while I have also been planning for the future in strange other ways, like when we decide to build our house (hopefully next year). Well duh, of course I am getting these feelings about ballet. It's no wonder I have been getting these feelings of overwhelm in general!

I need to prioritize.