Too much to make it count.

I am sitting here, 20 minutes into ballet and I am not in class. Again. I skipped Tuesday too.

I feel almost exactly the same as I did last Tuesday.


Well, I heard once that we are doomed to repeat lessons until we learn them. I am repeating emotions before the same event in my life, every time. An indicator that there is something to be learned from this? I think so.

I thought about what it could mean though, and it brought me down a rabbit hole that I continually side-step without thinking. Its like I know it's there, but it is something I ignored or put off for so long I either forgot it completely or let it become absorbed into the background of my life.

However, the problem I have been side-stepping has been my life. I go about it the wrong way. I need to change my method. I do what everyone else does but I approach it in a different way so that I don't recognize it, and it's a classic so I don't know how I could have missed it.

It is the classic, "I need to do something in my life to reach success. I'm going to quit smoking, starting eating right, start exercising, get a new sleep schedule, get a new hobby, and quit my job. Today." People do this all the time and never last more than a week. Why is that? They take on too much at once! A person cannot handle that much change and expect success to stick. It feels good for about a day and then reality kicks in and it all sucks.

Well, "Hello, Annie!" That's what I do too! Me! I do that!

This May I said, "Yes Tyler, I will marry you. Then I will:

1. start planning a wedding
2. move in with you
3. adjust to my new life
4. start quilting for the first time
5. start a Pilates certification course
6. work part-time
7. start blogging
8. learn about photography
9. learn old school cooking techniques
10. learn to can
11. start writing workout programs
12. start my own workout program/training my little brother
13. learn ballet and the french instructions
14. open an Etsy shop
15. decide to make a quilt to raffle at my wedding
16. make my niece a quilt
17. and contemplate a job change."

All the while I have also been planning for the future in strange other ways, like when we decide to build our house (hopefully next year). Well duh, of course I am getting these feelings about ballet. It's no wonder I have been getting these feelings of overwhelm in general!

I need to prioritize.